Talking to people these days has become a tedious task. Sometimes I feel that I should be paid a handsome amount to engage in social conversations with people. Why do you ask? Have you not noticed how stupid most people are these days?
They are ultra-dumb and can grill you to death with their stupidity.
When I go to social gatherings, all I can hear them say is “blah blah blah” *giggle* *giggle* *giggle*. None of that ever makes sense to me.
But alas! My parents find such conversations very entertaining. I feel if I don’t partake in such nonsensical events I may lose out on some knowledge capable of guiding me in the path of enlightenment.
Thus to satisfy my parents and to get dinner I attend such gatherings and talk to people.
It was in one such party, bored and annoyed to death that I got thinking, how will it be to make these people get a taste of their own medicine? How about using some intelligently stupid questions to confuse them?
Well, they may not stop talking altogether, (which will, by the way, be great) but such questions can make them shut up for a good some time!
It was a brilliant idea thanks to my pure genius. Over the next few months, I compiled a list of funny rhetorical questions that may come in handy for you if you ever get stuck with stupid people. So here goes.
When someone says that she/he owns a piece of land, do they own it to the center of the Earth?
If Darwin’s theory is true, and we all have evolved from apes and chimps, how come these animals are still there?
Funny Rhetorical Questions
What will happen if an African elephant goes to America? Will be called an African-American elephant?
- People say crime doesn’t pay. Does that make my occupation a crime?
- Do fishes ever get thirsty?
- Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the lyrics?
- Are there crash courses available for pilots?
- Did George Washington whip out a coin when people asked for his ID?
- Is it possible to cry underwater?
- How is a book different from a novel?
- Will a theater still play the movie if no one buys the ticket to it?
- Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle?
- Does a man-eating shark devour women as well?
- How is it possible to tell when it’s time to tune the bagpipes?
- Is it possible to get down from a nonstop flight?
- Unless you have tried some other policy, how can one say that honesty is the best one?
- How does one write zero in Roman numerals?
- Do penguins have knee joints?
- Have you ever wondered what battery runs on?
- What do chickens think we taste like?
After I formulated these questions over 4 months, I had to test the outcome. So I waited and waited for an invitation to come.
I kept asking my parents if an invitation to a social gathering had arrived. As my questions got frequent, their concerns got heightened. They settled for two options to justify my behavior, either love or drug addiction, there was no in-between.
But since no invitation came, I grew impatient. Finally, after a wait that seemed to last for eras, a party invitation did arrive.
It was perhaps the first time in my life that I was so super excited about going to a party. I walked in with full confidence. Smiled at all present there and started to engage in conversations.
As soon as I heard people say “blah blah blah” I quickly popped one of my funny rhetorical questions. Soon their smiles were replaced with confusion. Then back to smiling. Then again confusion. Their expression went haywire, their eyes went blank! Oh, what a treat it was to see them like that!
As the party went on I kept popping more of my funny rhetorical questions. People soon started avoiding me. I was relieved from the pressure of discussing sheer stupidity with them.
But I knew this was not the end. I needed more funny rhetorical questions in my stash to keep stupid people at bay. So I began working on some more soon:
- What is a bedroom with no bed in it called?
- People say not to stand in front of an emergency exit. Would I still be standing there in case some emergency occurs?
- Do they put the Bible in the fiction section or the non-fiction section in the library?
- Why do people call it “chili” when it’s just hot?
- Why is it called a restroom when no one actually goes and rests there?
- Does a pampered cow give spoiled milk?
- Restaurant rules clearly say “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. If I walk in with No Pants, they will still take my order, right?
- Why do you need training bras when you can teach the regular ones?
- Why does the nose run and feet smell?
- What lies on the other side of the street?
- Why do people sell cigarettes in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- When its called a highway, why is it built so close to the ground?
- Why are marbles called marbles when they are not made out of marbles?
- Do Lipton employees go out on tea breaks?
- Why is it called lipstick when you can still move your lips after applying it?
With all these funny rhetorical questions prepared, I can take on any stupid person and shut them up with scotch tape.
In addition to the expression people have on their faces after they hear these questions, I love the silence that follows. Most of them get confused about whether or not to answer it, while others excuse themselves to save any further embarrassment.
It’s absolutely fun and highly recommended. Be sure to try it in your next party!
My parents don’t like to take me to parties anymore. I now beg to go. Finally, the tables have turned at last.